SLITT

Widely considered Eastern Europe's decades late response to the fab four, SLITT was founded on the cold, hard streets of Eastern Europe's capital city during the golden age of American Metal. Founding members Knife Dickerson, BeefSleave, Thick Pricklund and Matt have re-undefined the genre of groove metal and have spent the better part of the millennium touring the world in their WWII era B-52 bomber, The Face Melter. Their unheralded 45 minute set includes monster riffs, a laser light show and demon dancers.

Thick Pricklund a.k.a. Leroy a.k.a. Larry:The only things that keep this man grounded are his love for the 1980 Moscow Summer Olympics and pierced lady parts. Brilliant but a natural loner, Pricklund enjoys eerily observing fully functional members of society through the security of the tinted windows he recently had installed in his Dodge Astro. This is both a common hobby and a common vehicle in his homeland. Thick has been dogged by sordid rumors of his sister’s fear of leaving him. It’s been said that while she slept, Pricklund performed invasive cardiac surgery, attaching a small explosive containing a proximity sensor to the base of her pulmonary valve. To this day no one has ever seen her stray more than 200 feet away from Pricklund at any time. This has created tensions during "get to know a groupie" time while touring. Though little more is known about the mysterious Pricklund, it is also rumored that he is a polydactyly having 7 toes on his left foot, and that he plays bass guitar. It is speculated Thick's extra digits are the consequence of military testing and surviving on earthworms near Chernobyl while on the lam.

Knife Dickerson a.k.a. Scooter a.k.a. ScottThough he was once the star point guard for BC Kalev in Estonia's Korvpalli Meistriliiga basketball league, he found his true calling after waking from a 3 year coma inflicted by a brutal giraffe attack. When his eyes opened, he recounted seeing what can only be described as a porridge-orgy in the 5th circle of hell. During the debauchery, hell-bound former Ozzy Osbourne guitarist Randy Rhoads taught Dickerson everything there is to know about guitar including the Dorian and Mixolydian modes. Moments after finishing the tale, Dickerson sat bolt-upright and appeared to go catatonic. He later revealed that the soul of Randy Rhoads had followed him back from hell and would forever be channeled into his guitar shreddery. When he's not playing guitar, Dickerson enjoys making his adoring fans climax through nothing more than his steely gaze and a wink from his remaining eye. Other attributes include: forgetfulness, pizza, sudden bursts of paranoid rage, a flare for the dramatic, mumbling, and a crossover move that has broken 6 and a half ankles. He also enjoys ball-handling.

BeefSleave a.k.a. MitchellMitchell's early life was what most would consider normal. The ninth of fifteen children, Mitchell attended the local one-room schoolhouse with his siblings where he excelled both academically and socially. His fondest memories were of performing live action re-creations of his favorite brawls from Double Dragon, the Nintendo game he obtained in a misguided United Nations air drop. He frolicked through the ruins of the medieval castle in the hills above his village unleashing devastating combo breaks on his many friends. He also enjoyed preparing family meals with his mother, who was well into her late 60s when she gave birth to Mitchell, forced to continue breeding to support the collapsing population of their East-European homeland. From pre-adolescence through his teen years, his prized possession was a copy of the soundtrack to The Music Man. He loved that goddamn tape. Poor of money but rich of happiness, life was good.

It was not to last. First came plague. Then war.

From the ruins in the hills, Mitchell witnessed the burning and pillaging of his village. Panicked neighbors pointed to Mitchell's family as rebel sympathizers, and he watched from afar as his loved ones were "repurposed." Hiding in that once-glorious castle, the soldiers left Mitchell behind. He lived in that dark place, training, preparing and developing a mastery of poetry. He perfected his Double Dragon combo breaks, his wretched, howling vocals and developed a finishing move known as "C7 Shriek." There would be no good left in him. Evil is the song in his heart and despair the cloak upon his back. He emerged from that castle to take vengeance upon the world known from then onward to mankind as BeefSleave: the Dreaded Rear-Admiral of Darkness.

MattDrummer.