First Avenue: What’s your name?

My name is Clint.

FA: Are you from here?

C: Originally, no. New Jersey.

FA: How’d you end up here?

C: I ended up here when I was in the 10th grade, with my parents. I always wanted to come here since seeing Purple Rain. I was like, “I need to come to Minneapolis so I can play hockey,” too. But that didn’t happen. Therefore, I just came here instead and got really drunk. First Ave has been a fucking joy.

FA: What do you do? Either for money or for caring, because sometimes they’re not the same thing.

C: I work for an environmental lab for money, and for caring… I love to give bread to ducks.

Bystander: I heard that was really bad to do, actually.

C: Really? Why?

Bystander: Because they can’t digest it.

FA: So you must hate ducks. You care a lot about hating ducks.

C: Hm… I care a lot about hating ducks, but I love bears, how ‘bout that? Bears are dope.

Clint doesn’t do any kind of social media because he thinks it’s the Devil. If you were a real friend, you’d pick up the phone and call him.