The God Damn Doo Wop Band on Myspace

2007 interview from ReadJunk.com:

Kids today are going crazy with the doo wop. Alienated by “square” society, these troubled ruffians have found comfort in overlapping group vocal harmonies. And knife fights. Risking our lives, our crew traveled to the God Damn Doo Wop Band’s turf in Minnesota to talk about their album Broken Hearts and smacking down the Pipettes. We spoke with one of their three lovely female singers, Kat.

You know, I’m really getting sick of you punks and your doo wop. Back in my day, we had black metal and Japanese spazzcore and we didn’t have school shootings. Don’t you think you’re contributing to juvenile delinquency?

Man, you would be surprised at how often we get this question. Like all the freakin’ time. And every time the answer remains the same. Yes, yes I do. Not only do I think we’re contributing to juvenile delinquency, but I believe that we lie at the core of it. We hadn’t played a show since the end of June, and teen violence, drug usage, and the teen pregnancy rate in Minneapolis have plummeted. You could walk down the street and see all sorts of youngins helping the elderly across the street, carrying groceries, and at every school there were seminars given by teens about the dangers of underage drinking and premarital sex. None of which were mandatory to attend, but were every night packed to the doors. That’s why we figure it would be best to get together again and play a show (with none other than John Waters as to “level up” the amount of depravity). The positivity in the youth of Minneapolis was frankly sickening to me.

Your band is comprised of three girls. How do you guys get along? Are you really catty and steal each other’s boyfriends and shoes, or are you as harmonious as your shared vocals?

The Doo Wop Band actually has six members, three of which are boys. Us ladies are just the vocals. All that boy shit aside though, it is pretty weird (at least to me) to be in a band with two other girls. We get along pretty damn well for the most part, but we have our moments. Fortunately, we all seem to have very different tastes in what we look for in a fellow so that hasn’t been too much of an issue.

What are the perks of being in an all-girl band?

Umm… I don’t know. Never been in one, probably never will.

What are your thoughts on male groupies? Charming or creepy? What’s the strangest proposition you’ve received?

Unfortunately, I don’t think we have any of those yet, but I would assume it would depend on how one was to approach any of us. When I was in a different band I once had a fella talk to me a whole bunch at a show in a different town. A few days later my guitarist got a call asking for me and it was the fella from the show. When I asked him how he got that number he responded with “Oh, man. You don’t even wanna know.” That was creepy. Oh! I also had a fella straight up in the middle of a conversation ask me if I wanted to give him a blowjob. Oddly enough, I said no. These would be two excellent examples of how not to hit on a girl. Fucking creepy.

Would you give up the band for a lifetime supply of cupcakes?

Cupcakes? Nah. If you were to ask that question with beer instead I think all of the members of this band would take it into serious consideration.

Who are three punk rockers that you’d love to hear in a doo wop band?

Yowzers! That tough. Joe King would obviously be awesome. I mean, the amount of shit that he does that’s doo wop/50’s, 60’s pop sounding is freaking awesome. I’m always bummed that the Queers never play that stuff live. It’s sooooo good. Chelsea (Short Attention/ex-Unlovables) would be rad. We’ve talked a couple of times of having her record some stuff with us. She’s got a great voice and that Short Attention song that they do that’s doo wopish is pretty rad. And third, uhhh… Oh shit. Dr. Frank. He would probably be pretty awesome. His love songs are all so phenomenal anyway. If he were to write doo wop stuff I probably wouldn’t be able to stop myself from flying out to California and forcing him to marry me. Huh. By looking at my answer, can you tell that I attended Insubordination Fest? Oh well. All of those folks are awesome, and that’s just me talkin about lyrically or vocally. If you want a list of people who should play in a doo wop band, that list would be crazy. When we lost our drummer I really wanted to track down the drummer from the Teen Idols. He would be a great doo wop drummer. Rebel Souls is amazing.

Hypothetical: The Pipettes badmouth you. They call you out. Suddenly, you find yourselves squaring off against them in a wrestling ring. Describe what happens next.

Oh man, I was outta town when they played here, but I totally had images of this happening in my head. Not a wrestling ring though, just a straight up street fight. Describing it is tougher than I thought it would be. It’d be pretty gnarly, but I’m pretty damn sure we would win. We got a lot of anger problems, and those girls seem too nice and ladylike. Their little polka dot dresses would get all fucked up. Besides, I ain’t scared of anyone who sounds so much like Abba. Unpopular thing to say, I know.

Finish this sentence: Canadian power rock trio Rush is to “shoo bee doo bee doo waaah” as The God Damn Doo Wop Band is to _____________.

…a passage to Bangkok. Totally.

What’s your advice to young kids who are interested in starting up doo wop bands?

It’s fun as hell, but it’s pretty interesting trying to get so many people together for practice (there used to be seven of us). If I had my way there would be two more vocals in this band, but dealing with that many people’s schedules would fucking kill me. So yeah, be a real people person and be prepared to have people expect you to be a total novelty act. It’s so much fun though. I would tell everyone in the world to start a doo wop band, but that would make it harder for my band then, I think. Whatevs.

Where are you taking this? What are your hopes and dreams?

Oh man. My dream would be to have Joe King give me a call and ask us to go on tour with The Queers and have them play all the lovey dovey songs I like. That would be pretty freakin’ sweet. Where are we taking this? Hopefully, someday we’ll make another record and have someone rad put it out for us. Hopefully, someday we’ll get the van running and go on another tour. Hopefully, someday we’ll get ourselves a permanent drummer. Shit man, we got no plans. We’re just having fun getting people to slow dance and hearing people’s grandparents and parents like us. Hopes and dreams just get fucked up anyway. If we don’t have any, technically we can’t fail, right?

Well, I have a hope and a dream…. See… um… *shuffles feet* I think you’re the cat’s pajamas. Will you go to the sock hop with me?

This would be the “charming” side of question four. And yes…yes I will.